you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
