if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
