Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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