What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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