at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
