It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
