Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
