I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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