Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
