I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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