you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
