You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
