im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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