woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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