I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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