I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
