i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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