If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
