I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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