The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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