Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize