Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
