It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
