i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
