What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
