What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
