I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
