I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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