I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
