Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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