Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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