So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
