great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
