I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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