worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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