I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
