dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
