You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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