dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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