Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
