i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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