Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
