i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
