Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need to align my fucking chakras
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
