you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
