Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
