Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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