I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
