You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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