My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
