And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
