just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
