I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
