Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
