Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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