Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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