Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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