I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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