Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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