Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
