K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
