I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
