I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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