you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
