I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
