I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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