dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
