im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
