I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
did i walk over a car last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
