pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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