i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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