i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
