wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
