I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
