did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
