Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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